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and the lines on the road were constellations

by Hoxha's Beard

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1.
You said you hate your coffee black But that's the only way that you take it The sugar's just a mask To hide the bitterness beneath It's a metaphor for life you said I think you're full of shit Life is sweet and it is bitter And your coffee doesn't fucking matter I gave some money to a homeless man Playing guitar on the street you said that he'll spend it all on drugs Well I think he needs them more than me You took out a cigarette Lit it up as we were walking I said those things'll kill you You just laughed and said stop talking Sitting in a coffee shop A little off the square You've got your black coffee I've got something mixed with liquor Asking each other questions You said tell me everything that you know I said I'm always leaving You said you're always about to go
2.
Nerve Damage 01:21
You crashed into me Like a drunk driver I got up without a scratch Cause I'm a goddamn survivor You said you love me And kissed me on the cheek Then you said that you're leaving Ordered another drink I asked you why You said you've got big, big plans That don't involve Drinking til you can't feel your hands You hope I get out some day But you should know I'm changing every day You're not the only one who won't die alone and dumb Seizing, shaking and slowly going numb And I've said the same thing About a half a million times You know we're the same And will be til we die You hope I get out some day But you should know I'm changing every day You're not the only one who won't die alone and dumb Seizing, shaking and slowly going numb
3.
Your face broke out Into that great big grin And I want to say I love you And I want to knock your teeth in And I hate you so much It could start a fire And we'll both burn away Consumed by our own desire Are we enemies Or lovers I want to tell you in the morning But you're getting on a plane tonight And I won't let that be The end of this story A thousand miles And a mountain range That won't stop me That won't keep me away You think I'm unfocused You think I'll drop out But I won't lose track I won't be damned by your doubt Are we enemies Or lovers I want to tell you in the morning But you're getting on a plane tonight And I won't let that be The end of this story And I will hit this town Like a goddamn plague No one can stop me Not even god Not today
4.
I'm crossing over the state line I'm out of Missouri and coming for you At this point, it doesn't even matter If you really want me too I wish that I was a writer And I wish that you loved me But I can write all of these words And it won't change who we are It feels like life Is calling my bluff I've got a pair He's got a royal flush Well you might think I'm joking But I'm being completely serious Just wait until the shit hits the fan I can't wait to hear what your theory is I'm sick of feeling like a great white Who's somehow forgotten how to swim But deep down I know I'm not a shark I'm just another shrimp So serve me up, buttered with beer In some dirty cheap restaurant They say seafood is expensive these days But you can have whatever you want It feels like life Is calling my bluff I've got a pair He's got a royal flush Well you might think I'm joking But I'm being completely serious Just wait until the shit hits the fan I can't wait to hear what your theory is
5.
I was drunk last night What a surprise And you weren't happy When you saw my bloodshot eyes You said you wanted to come home But you couldn't go back I said that things will be different And you just laughed There's a new moon rising tonight You won't look at me tonight I'm driving sober tonight It's silent here tonight I made you laugh tonight And I saw your smile tonight But you won't look at me tonight It's dark outside tonight I'm drinking a plain black coffee I'm wandering around the square I'm feverish and dreaming I don't want you to see me here All I want is whiskey Vodka, gin, or beer Something to help me forget But I still need you to care There's a full moon rising tonight People are staring at me tonight The world is alive tonight There's shouting downtown tonight I'm being followed tonight I'm sweating and shaking tonight I'm screaming in his face tonight These lights are too bright tonight
6.
I wanted to quit But I can't stop shaking The tremors take hold And my vision goes black The next thing I know He is flat on his back There is blood on my hands I don't know what to do I bought a handle of vodka Then ran home to you I wanted to quit But I can't stop shaking
7.
Dark Corners 03:28
Well Mister Smith is watching I swear I'm not lying He's coming after me I'm sure he'll know if I'm hiding I made you a pot of coffee Left you out some cream Left a note out on the table Fresh pack of spirits underneath Well Mister Smith is watching He's coming after me But he won't get to bring me in I go when and where I please Left your dime somewhere you'd find it Left the cat some food to eat Took two hundred, left eight more Hope it gets you through the week The gas tanks full My stomach is empty Driving ninety West towards Berkley Thirty hours of no sleep Come and find me if you can But make sure that you're not followed And make sure you've got a plan
8.
I'm driving west on the interstate I'm getting the fuck out of this place Bad things ahead and worse things behind I guess I've made some mistakes In a diner eating breakfast Thinking about what I've left behind I don't feel any regret But there is some guilt in my eyes I'm not saying there's something in California But there's sure as hell nothing here If you're looking, there's some change in the sofa But that's all that's left for you there In a diner eating breakfast Thinking about what I've left behind I don't feel any regret But there is some guilt in my eyes I'm not running away I don't want you to see me like this Things are improving every day But if you let me then I'll ruin all of this I'm not saying that I'm coming back Because I don't want to lie to you But I should tell you I was starting to crack Before you decide to start watching the news Now I might be starting to halfheartedly miss All those cracks that I could never seem to fix But that won't get me away from the goddamn shrieking Of a man halfway across the river Styx In a diner eating breakfast Thinking about what I've left behind I don't feel any regret But there is some guilt in my eyes I'm not running away I don't want you to see me like this Things are improving every day But if you let me then I'll ruin all of this Just don't let me fuck up what's left I'm not running away I don't want you to see me like this Things are improving every day But if you let me then I'll ruin all of this
9.
Toxic Sun 03:01
He looks me in the eyes Asks me to believe his lies But one day I'll make him see the light He tells me it's all right The sun's still in the sky But one day He'll get burned alive They're watching me, I can feel it On the back of my neck Always just out of sight I'm not crazy But I'm not alright And the sun crashed down At the edge of town One day In the middle of May I watched the fire build From the top of the hill One day As it all burned away I know you want answers But until this smoke clears away I won't say a goddamn thing I remember sitting here As the snow reappeared That day You said that I should stay It looked like smoke from my breath And then from your cigarette That day The one where I said ok They're watching me, I can feel it On the back of my neck Always just out of sight I'm not crazy But I'm not alright
10.
I have to mend your wounds Before I subject you to torture Our love is like a war zone And the shells are getting closer We're at Verdun in 1916 On the 16th of December One of us might live through this But there won't be a winner There's lights and sounds coming for me And I can't tell them from god I should have left you out here The desert could use another dog I'm driving one-fifteen Down interstate 40 west I'll be there by morning Looking for the man without a head I wrote you a hundred letters That never left my pen They all started, Dear John and ended, see you in hell But as the headlights pointed Right into my eyes I shouted, Dear God I am not afraid to die All's quiet on the western front For moment after moment I'm way out in no man's land Right when the shooting starts I wish that I could hate you And I hate you more and more Just remember that I love you But I can't love you anymore
11.
I wrote you a letter yesterday Then I burned a hole where I wrote your name There's no point in wishing and hoping Nothing gets fixed by taking blame I put the letter in a box under my bed With cigarettes, liquor, and rat poison All the things that make me a better man The things I use to swallow my sin Now my sisters coming to pick me up She's gonna take me out and fix me up Sure right now I need a crutch But that's just how we learn to stand back up I've spent too long lying down I'm getting sick of these same old sounds I'm just so tired of feeling pinned to the ground Now nothing in this world's going to keep me down There's sweat dripping down my temple There's a fire in my blood There's smoke clinging to every wall And there's nothing outside but mud This whole house is a goddamn mess But that's not your fault and it never was It's not like you were some kind of succubus I just loved you but didn't know who I was Now my sisters coming to pick me up She's gonna take me out and fix me up Sure right now I need a crutch But that's just how we learn to stand back up I've spent too long lying down I'm getting sick of these same old sounds I'm just so tired of feeling pinned to the ground Now nothing in this world's going to keep me down

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released January 11, 2019

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Hoxha's Beard Kansas City, Missouri

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